I will survive! 2

I'm still alive!

Okay, I gotta be fast with this.

1) Having someone come over and help me out is probably the smartest thing I could have ever done while S is away. It's that external structure I've so badly needed to get me up and going and getting things done each day. He's going to D.C. the first week of Aug. Who wants to come and help? ;)

2) Any sure fire way, anyone, to get rid of fleas? As in, something less damaging to my home than setting a bonfire to it??? We've boraxed, bombed (which, we later found out only kills adult fleas, who've already laid 9,357,432 eggs in the past few weeks), and sprayed, and we're still getting bitten! Maybe I just need to drop the kids off at a friends for a day and go through the entire house in one swoop. Perhaps it's my room-by-room cleaning that's biting me in the . . . . Perhaps it really is time to call in the professionals. We need to get the house checked for termites anyway.

Hm...Sam was fussing a second ago...and now the house is quiet.....do I need to check and see if H got out of naptime cuddling with him?

Late Night & Golden Nuggets

I want to read more of these. It's 1:13 a.m., however, so now is obviously not the time, especially when H is up. (nightmare again, sigh) But, at least I now know exactly what I want to do with my kitchen and living room windows! (My dear mother-in-law even sent me curtains for the kitchen, but they sadly just don't seem to fit. . . .)

Emotional Intelligence and Parenting

First, I just have to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

It's SO NICE to come across another thinking individual!!!

(Okay, so not to say that just because you haven't thought about this kind of thing you're not a thinking individual. I guess I'm just so tired of this topic NOT being covered when it's SO totally ESSENTIAL to BASIC LIVING. . . . And maybe I need to stop using all-caps when I'm trying to emphasize something. I guess it shows that I'm tired! . . . . I have to point out, though, that it was my Child & Family classes at BYU-I that pointed these concepts out. And, I was just thinking yesterday it was past time for me to start "owning" my own feelings and teaching that to H after she said "You are frustrating me!!!!" Yes, I've been talking to her about ways she can help Mommy not be so frustrated!)

http://eqi.org/pare.htm

In my review of the parenting literature I find very little mention of feelings. The emphasis is generally on behavior. But as psychologist John Gottman says, we are attempting to control the children's behavior without looking at the emotions which underly that behavior. (Links to the authors I mention are found at the bottom of this section)

I believe if we focus our efforts on trying to create the right kinds of feelings in children, the behavior will take care of itself. It is not only the feelings of the child which I believe we need to look at, but the parents' feelings as well. This is an area which is even more neglected than the child's feelings. Few psychologists or writers of parents literature ever mention the feelings of the parents. Thomas Gordon is the notable exception which comes to mind.

Gordon talks about the "window of acceptance." He says when the parent is feeling good, more things are acceptable. The more negative their overall mood, the fewer things are acceptable. Gordon also tells parents, "It is essential that you learn what you are feeling." In effect, Gordon recommends that parents "own" their feelings by using "I messsages." His work supports my recommendation that belief parents take responsibility for their own feelings, rather raising children to feel responsible for the moods and happiness of their parents. While my views are similar to Gordon's in many ways, I go into more detail about the importance of respect, and describe how it is earned and how it is often confused with fear and obedience.

The Simple Living Maven

OH, so THIS is where S got those things he's shared with me!

http://zenhabits.net/a-guide-to-creating-a-minimalist-home/

http://zenhabits.net/21-tips-on-keeping-a-simple-home-with-kids/

http://zenhabits.net/handle-chores-house-cleaning-and-errands-with-simple-systems/

I Will Survive!

The next few blogs (if they actually get written!) will be my daily (ha, or however frequent) log on surviving my longest period of time without my husband. Okay, many women have their heads screwed on properly and can make it just fine without their men around. However, that's not me. Forty-five minutes after dropping off S at the airport I sent out a cry for help: an email to all my Relief Society ladies offering to pay someone to come and help me preserve my sanity. I asked for a total of 6 hrs at the time (2x this coming week, once the week following). This morning, I re-asked one of the responders for 8 hrs (3x this coming week, once the week following). Having a friend come and help is much cheaper than flying out Grandmas, otherwise I'd be on the phone pleading! ;) By the time I got three amazingly quick responses this morning, H had already spent 3/4ths of the morning tantruming (really just her usual routine with how sleep deprived she's been lately--oh, and did I mention the sign of things to come last night that triggered the email was her having an accident--in the bathroom?), and had even knocked her breakfast bowl of cereal off the table and broke it. While thinking just a second ago about how she'd been attacked by ants in her car seat on our way home from church this afternoon, I realized I needed to think more positively through all this or I just wasn't going to make it. So, my positive thought for this afternoon is this: "At least there wasn't any milk in her bowl when she broke it this morning."

Happy Sunday!

Oh, yeah, it's the Fourth of July, isn't it?

Happy Fourth of July!!!