Late Night & Golden Nuggets

I want to read more of these. It's 1:13 a.m., however, so now is obviously not the time, especially when H is up. (nightmare again, sigh) But, at least I now know exactly what I want to do with my kitchen and living room windows! (My dear mother-in-law even sent me curtains for the kitchen, but they sadly just don't seem to fit. . . .)

Emotional Intelligence and Parenting

First, I just have to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

It's SO NICE to come across another thinking individual!!!

(Okay, so not to say that just because you haven't thought about this kind of thing you're not a thinking individual. I guess I'm just so tired of this topic NOT being covered when it's SO totally ESSENTIAL to BASIC LIVING. . . . And maybe I need to stop using all-caps when I'm trying to emphasize something. I guess it shows that I'm tired! . . . . I have to point out, though, that it was my Child & Family classes at BYU-I that pointed these concepts out. And, I was just thinking yesterday it was past time for me to start "owning" my own feelings and teaching that to H after she said "You are frustrating me!!!!" Yes, I've been talking to her about ways she can help Mommy not be so frustrated!)

http://eqi.org/pare.htm

In my review of the parenting literature I find very little mention of feelings. The emphasis is generally on behavior. But as psychologist John Gottman says, we are attempting to control the children's behavior without looking at the emotions which underly that behavior. (Links to the authors I mention are found at the bottom of this section)

I believe if we focus our efforts on trying to create the right kinds of feelings in children, the behavior will take care of itself. It is not only the feelings of the child which I believe we need to look at, but the parents' feelings as well. This is an area which is even more neglected than the child's feelings. Few psychologists or writers of parents literature ever mention the feelings of the parents. Thomas Gordon is the notable exception which comes to mind.

Gordon talks about the "window of acceptance." He says when the parent is feeling good, more things are acceptable. The more negative their overall mood, the fewer things are acceptable. Gordon also tells parents, "It is essential that you learn what you are feeling." In effect, Gordon recommends that parents "own" their feelings by using "I messsages." His work supports my recommendation that belief parents take responsibility for their own feelings, rather raising children to feel responsible for the moods and happiness of their parents. While my views are similar to Gordon's in many ways, I go into more detail about the importance of respect, and describe how it is earned and how it is often confused with fear and obedience.

The Simple Living Maven

OH, so THIS is where S got those things he's shared with me!

http://zenhabits.net/a-guide-to-creating-a-minimalist-home/

http://zenhabits.net/21-tips-on-keeping-a-simple-home-with-kids/

http://zenhabits.net/handle-chores-house-cleaning-and-errands-with-simple-systems/